The Caramel Crunch (25 April 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You have a close friend who you are very fond of who seems to be neglecting their own personal care. When you are with them you notice their dress and grooming is becoming increasingly unkempt and the odour they emit indicates that either they have a medical issue that needs attention or that they are not regular with cleansing their body. What do you do.

That can be quite a difficult one. Maybe try and broach the subject, but with tact?

I had that once with my daughter, when she came here to stay. Your clothes are smelly, I said (OK, not very tactful 😆). It might well have been her shoes, because she tends to wear them without socks and they stink. She duly responded that she thought it was inappropriate for me to say that to her. It probably was. But I said, did she want to hear it from me, or from one of her friends? It pretty much doesn’t matter what I think of her, but it will definitely matter what her friends think.

And that’s the crux of it. I think it is probably a good idea to say something, because you want the best for your friend and it is probably better if it is picked up by you, rather than by somebody else. But, let’s face it, it is not good news so they’re not going to like it. That’s where your tact comes in.

If you mention it, and they confide in you that there is a good reason, then you should offer to help, if you can.

If you mention it, and they stonewall you, what can you do? You can lead a horse to water… You cannot, ultimately, be responsible for somebody else.

The Caramel Crunch (18 April 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

Your boss is very friendly towards you and very supportive at work. You are grateful because you love your job. But your boss has asked you a number of times if you would like to go out for a drink after work. You are not sure if they are just being friendly or if they perhaps have a romantic interest. Your boss has not done anything inappropriate, but they are persistent in asking you out after work. You are concerned that it might affect the dynamics between you in the workplace. What do you do.

Okay, a couple of things. One, it might already have changed the dynamic, and there’s nothing you can do about it. If somebody is sweet on you, it will change how they behave toward you. That might be nice at first, but what about when they finally say something, and you reject them?

I’m ssuming here that you would reject them. Nothing in your question suggests that you are the slightest bit interested.

Second, I must admit I never wanted to have a relationship with anybody I worked with – I always wanted to keep the two separate. My work suit was my uniform, for that same reason. Work and home. I worked in a very male-dominated profession, so there was never really the opportunity, anyway. Plus, on the flip side, even though my wife and I have very different jobs, there is still common ground, because when you talk about work, what do you talk about? So-and-so is an asshole, right? I bet that happens in every job.

I did tend to socialise with workmates, but never anything romantic, and mostly men in any case.

Sorry I have nothing more to offer.

The Caramel Crunch (11 April 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You are in love and the person you have been courting for some time wants to marry you. Although you are very close, there is one main difference in your outlook. One of you believes in a Creator and wants to practice a particular faith. The other does not believe in a Creator and despises all religion. When the two of you talk about beliefs, emotions run high and generally the conversations have to be cut short because it can become hurtful. You realize this may cause challenges, despite the love you share.. What do you do?

This one becomes easy when you start to think about your children. Would either you or your partner want them brought up with your faith (or lack of)? Would either you or your partner be happy that the children would be brought up according to the other person’s faith?

Depending just how high emotions do actually run, I think this scenario makes the problem black or white.

Two people of different religions is not necessarily doomed, however. My wife and I were born into different religions, but since we’d both already rejected them, there was never a problem. My daughter was brought up in a secular manner and if she ever adopts a religion, it will be her choice. Which is exactly how I think it should be.

On the other hand, my cousin was (is?) Protestant Christian and she got together with a Muslim guy. They were together as boyfriend and girlfriend for ten years, all except … his parents did not know! He would not tell them he was seeing somebody outside of the Muslim faith. And for reasons I don’t know (or understand!), she put up with this.

After ten years, he asked her to marry him. Which, for her, entailed not only marrying the guy, but becoming a Muslim, as part of the deal. But she agreed. I attended the wedding, and just as far as being a wedding guest goes, this guy’s mosque were some of the most hospitable people I ever met.

My cousin was not religious, I don’t think. And obviously she had got together with this guy in the first place, and stayed with him all that time, so she must have thought his religion was acceptable. It became more of a problem for the relationship as this guy got more devout over the years. Tony Blair and George Dubya bear a large responsibility for that, I think – their wars created whole generations of Muslims who now have very hardline view of the West – I hope they will one day forgive us.

Anyway, long story short, the guy decided (!) that any offspring they had would have an Islamic education. Which, as far as he was concerned, involved either educating them at a dedicated Muslim school, or educating them in a British school, and supplementing this with three hours tuition in Islam, every evening, Monday to Friday, at the mosque.

I wouldn’t like to speculate what caused the split, but the marriage lasted just two years before they got divorced. Fortunately, my cousin was still childless, because that would have made the separation more complicated.

And these were two people for whom the issue of religion never even came up beforehand, let alone fighting about it!