Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…
The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.
You have fallen in love after courting someone who seems like everything you have ever hoped for in a partner. They want to marry you. However, one of you has a desire to start a family after the wedding, the other has no desire at all and as quite adamant that they do not want to have children. What do you do?
An easy one this week. No ifs, no buts, finish it. 100%.
If you don’t, here’s how it will play out:
If you do have children, one partner will end up blaming the other for taking away their freedom, for clipping their wings, and making them rear a child. It might take years, but the resentment will just build and build.
If you don’t have children, one partner will eventually blame the other for not giving them the offspring they always wanted. And don’t forget, there is a limited window when you are going to have children – all of us). So, it might take until right to the end of this window, but the resentment will just build and build.
Some further observations:
Bringing up children as a couple is immensely hard work.
Bringing up children as a singleton is even harder. But, miraculously, some people are up to it.
Trying to get by with somebody, without children, when you actually want them, will eventually force you to look for somebody else, who will give you children.
Not me, but personal experience, I watched this happen.
Did I say 100%? Misprint. 1000%. If you’re gonna do this, stack the odds as much in your favour as you can. Even if you do, it is still bloody difficult, but the very least you can do is to find a partner who wants the same things as you.
Mister Bump 
Agree 1000%
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Well said. If both are entrenched in their want, the relationship is terminal.
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I reckon even if they don’t start off entrenched, they will become so. One will end up blaming the other for putting them in the “!wrong” situation. All the little things that are wrong in the marriage will be put down to this.
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This is question that has never affected me personally. I never had the desire to be a parent, but neither am I against having children. I f my husband wanted me to I would agree to.
At the start of last year I suddenly was faced with becoming a parent. It was a shock and I was anxious about how Goldfinch would react. But as soon as I knew I was 100% going to give everything I had. I was confident that my family would be a huge support as there is no shortage in love from them. Losing my little apricot was painful.
But strangely, I still do not have the desire to become a parent, despite that sad loss. I know that if I ever was, I would be completely dedicated.
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Good, I was hoping it wasn’t you, because I think that difference is pretty unreconcilable. A similar thing happened to my sister-in-law. She was with a guy who was older than her, had already been married and had children. He was a great guy, but he had changed all his nappies and had no desire to go through that again. She wanted kids. She loved this guy, so probably stayed with him for 10 years, until well into her thirties. When she finally worked out that kids were a must-have, it was a case of now or never. She split with the first guy, found another, and they had 2 kids in, like, 3 years. But their own relationship didn’t last. I gather he is supportive, but the bottom line is that she had to bring up two kids pretty much on her own. It could’ve been so much easier, if she had spent longer finding the partner in the first place.
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Difficult issue indeed
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Yeah, I think it is difficult if this situation just kind-of happens around us, but at the same time, we need to be able to detect the warnings before we get ourselves in too deep.
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Life isn’t perfect and you don’t always get what you want but children. I’ve seen a different opinion on this matter play out between a couple and it didn’t end well and there was already 1 child involved.
I think you need to be honest with yourself and with your partner in a relationship. You don’t promise them a rose garden and you don’t ‘trick’ them in having a baby.
We didn’t speak about children for a while ’till it came up. We’ll see what the future brings and what nature decides because ultimately some things are not within our realm of decisions.
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…although my wife became pregnant within a month of stopping contraception! (after we agreed that a child might be a good idea. We cannot control, but we can influence heavily.
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We can influence that is true, all with reason and love.
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Oh yes, there was lots of “love” around at that time 😆
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😅😊
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