The Caramel Crunch (15 February 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You are at a social event when someone you have only a basic acquaintance with, touches you inappropriately. What would you do?

Okay, straight away I’ll admit it never happened to me. If you met me, you might understand why πŸ™‚.

As I see it, there is a choice to be made straight away:

  • you’re not attracted to them, or you don’t feel free to do something about it.
  • you are attracted to them and you do feel free to do something about it

I’m choosing my words carefully here. In last week’s question, we talked about cheating and everybody seemed to agree that it was a bad thing. So probably most of us would say if we weren’t available, we’d not be interested, whether we are attracted to them or not. But, hey, people cheat.

Let’s take the first option.

For whatever reason, if it’s a case of no way, no how, I would be discreet, this once I would let it slide, but I would try to make sure I avoided them as much as I could, for the rest of the event.

It becomes a problem when you can’t get away from them, and when it happens again. I might need to say something. But I would be discreet, because there is an offchance that I’ve read the situation wrongly.

Option 2:

If you’re available/attracted, then it might be worth doing the opposite. Be near to them, to see if it happened again. I mean, it seems a bit creepy to me, but if it is somebody who despite this, you might think could be a potential partner, then it is probably worth forcing the issue to find out for sure.

Having just re-read what I wrote, I’d say that the probability of this second option is, like, a million to one, because anybody who touched me inappropriately (especially as we hardly know each other) would just creep me out too much to want to be a partner. But I wouldn’t discount it completely.

Now, I recommend you go straight to Caramel’s comment (I hope she leaves one this week!) below, because there is sure to be a good reason why she asked that question πŸ™‚.

Author: Mister Bump UK

Formerly Stroke Survivor UK. Designed/developed IT systems for banks, but had a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Returned to developing from home, plus do some voluntary work. Married, with a grown-up, left-home daughter.

13 thoughts on “The Caramel Crunch (15 February 2020)”

  1. I really enjoyed your answer.

    Yes πŸ™‚ I do have a reason for asking, several of them.
    I am just back in my little nest. I am going to have a shower and climb into bed (sooooo tired!) but I will explain my reason for asking later on.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. If you were available and attracted…would you really be ok with someone you barely knew (just an acquaintance) signalling their interest that way. Most of us (not all) would prefer to be asked out for a drink and maybe dinner before anyone thought it was ok to start putting their hands on us.

        I went to some horrid clubs and bars when i was younger where strange men tried to touch me….and I fled sharpish. But I would hope most people realized that before you start putting your hands on someone, you need to have had something like a date at least.

        I had a boss that did not seem to understand that. I gave my notice in after two weeks of realizing that he did not realize that he had no right to touch a woman who he was not romantically involved with.

        Liked by 2 people

          1. It should work both ways.
            But I know that some people find that kind of tactile flirting with someone who you hardly know ok.
            But for many others there are other ways to signal your interest without laying a finger on someone.

            Liked by 1 person

            1. I fully agree that it should, but I’d be far less comfortable saying that it does.
              I think you’re right, I have met both men and women who are far too “touchy” for my liking. They can be some very flirty people, and you’re kind-of left wondering whether there was more to it than just an introduction, or a greeting, say. I suppose it goes down to “how inappropriate is inappropriate?”. Because inappropriate is a judgement call.

              Like

              1. It’s up to each of us to make that call I guess.
                The night I met Goldfinch, we ended up being very tactile with each other. But initially he was very careful. He chatted with me, while keeping a respectful distance. When things became noisier around us, he sat closer to me so we could carry on chating. When he did eventually touch me, it was my hand that he touched. He took hold of my hand and didn’t let it go.
                I was especially sensitive to how men acted around me after being attacked, but he did everything carefully without leaving me scared.

                Liked by 1 person

                1. Yeah, I think you have to be very careful. I’ve seen somebody describe a hug from a work colleague as inappropriate. I can see her point, because it came from a colleague rather than a friend, but at the same time I could see it from his perspective – a hug is pretty meaningless. But I do think you need to err on the side of caution. I’ve found I needed to be careful when I first hooked up with someone, just because you’re never sure if it is all consensual or not. Plus, of course, to start a discussion about it kinda kills the moment πŸ™‚. I always erred on the side of caution but can’t help wondering how much I might have missed out on!

                  Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t like it when people touch me. Period. Unless I want them too but that is different.
    My reaction can go three ways. The first time I will be off guard so I’ll turn into a pillar of salt. The second time I’ll give them a dirty look and remove myself from the situation as far as possible and into the company of people that I trust if they are there.
    The third time everyone will know about it!!! I would tell them of in a very loud voice.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah I suppose it depends what we mean by inappropriate. Someone I just met, it can’t really be more than a handshake. My reaction would be different, though, in that I’d avoid them if I could. Men not so much (surprise, surprise) but I have met a couple of women who were uncomfortably tactile. But they were like that with everyone, not just me, so I never really worried.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Shaking hand is a little ok with me but here we kiss you know. It used to be three times, in certain regions it is two but now it’s mostly one kiss. Women kiss women and men so going to large parties is not always fun. In France sometimes it’s 4 kisses!!

        Liked by 1 person

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