The Caramel Crunch (11 April 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You are in love and the person you have been courting for some time wants to marry you. Although you are very close, there is one main difference in your outlook. One of you believes in a Creator and wants to practice a particular faith. The other does not believe in a Creator and despises all religion. When the two of you talk about beliefs, emotions run high and generally the conversations have to be cut short because it can become hurtful. You realize this may cause challenges, despite the love you share.. What do you do?

This one becomes easy when you start to think about your children. Would either you or your partner want them brought up with your faith (or lack of)? Would either you or your partner be happy that the children would be brought up according to the other person’s faith?

Depending just how high emotions do actually run, I think this scenario makes the problem black or white.

Two people of different religions is not necessarily doomed, however. My wife and I were born into different religions, but since we’d both already rejected them, there was never a problem. My daughter was brought up in a secular manner and if she ever adopts a religion, it will be her choice. Which is exactly how I think it should be.

On the other hand, my cousin was (is?) Protestant Christian and she got together with a Muslim guy. They were together as boyfriend and girlfriend for ten years, all except … his parents did not know! He would not tell them he was seeing somebody outside of the Muslim faith. And for reasons I don’t know (or understand!), she put up with this.

After ten years, he asked her to marry him. Which, for her, entailed not only marrying the guy, but becoming a Muslim, as part of the deal. But she agreed. I attended the wedding, and just as far as being a wedding guest goes, this guy’s mosque were some of the most hospitable people I ever met.

My cousin was not religious, I don’t think. And obviously she had got together with this guy in the first place, and stayed with him all that time, so she must have thought his religion was acceptable. It became more of a problem for the relationship as this guy got more devout over the years. Tony Blair and George Dubya bear a large responsibility for that, I think – their wars created whole generations of Muslims who now have very hardline view of the West – I hope they will one day forgive us.

Anyway, long story short, the guy decided (!) that any offspring they had would have an Islamic education. Which, as far as he was concerned, involved either educating them at a dedicated Muslim school, or educating them in a British school, and supplementing this with three hours tuition in Islam, every evening, Monday to Friday, at the mosque.

I wouldn’t like to speculate what caused the split, but the marriage lasted just two years before they got divorced. Fortunately, my cousin was still childless, because that would have made the separation more complicated.

And these were two people for whom the issue of religion never even came up beforehand, let alone fighting about it!

Author: Mister Bump UK

Formerly Stroke Survivor UK. Designed/developed IT systems for banks, but had a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Returned to developing from home, plus do some voluntary work. Married, with a grown-up, left-home daughter.

13 thoughts on “The Caramel Crunch (11 April 2020)”

        1. If my partner approved of the values of somebody like Trump, I’d like to think I’d notice before we ever had to have an explicit discussion about it (and make a decision on whether to stick with them or not). That’s all I’m saying. For me, I’d never expect a partner to agree 100% with me, but we should be maybe 80% of the way there. When two people have majorly opposing values I think it’ll pose a problem rearing children, for a start.

          Like

  1. It’s interesting you mentioned children. I went through a stage of wondering what had happened if my little apricot had lived. Would Goldfinch have had different ideas from me on what to teach our child?
    He and I have some things in common…we both hate injustice and the violence that has been associated with religious wars and massacres. But I do believe in a Creator. We have had some interesting discussions. One time I could see he was a bit agitated by something I had said in defense of my beliefs…I stood up and threw my arms around him and said I would rather be wrong a million times than lose him. But I realize that if we were not on two opposite sides of the planet, it could perhaps have been a divider between us.
    Hard when you are so in love with someone…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think also, if you had have had a child, would one of you be happy to stay quiet when the other cited their religion? I mean, a lot of the time it wouldn’t be relevant, but it is not unreasonable for a child to ask, “who made the world?” or something, and you’d both give two different answers, which would be confusing for the child, at the very least.

      Like

  2. I think it can work when both parties are able to be flexible. I am not religious, my partner isn’t but the family is. Making a big deal about it is not worth it for me, so if there are any children they will be baptized but that’s about it as far as the influence goes.

    Liked by 1 person

        1. That’s a difficult one. I guess with families, you have to start off absolutely even-handed, just like you can’t have a favourite among your children, but there again, if somebody muddies the waters… At least you can then say, we did not include X because of Y. A firm reason, not just something vague like “we don’t really get on with them”.
          BE tends to be like France, no? Mostly (nominally) Roman Catholic? Is that true everywhere in BE or does it change as you go towards NL?

          Liked by 1 person

  3. Yes BE is Roman Catholic but very not practicing just the bigger Holidays like Christmas, Easter, … It is all the same throughout the country. Of course we have other religions (bigger communities) or deviations from Catholicism but they are very small communities. It is not like in the Netherlands when there are bigger differences.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.