Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…
The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.
Your boss is very friendly towards you and very supportive at work. You are grateful because you love your job. But your boss has asked you a number of times if you would like to go out for a drink after work. You are not sure if they are just being friendly or if they perhaps have a romantic interest. Your boss has not done anything inappropriate, but they are persistent in asking you out after work. You are concerned that it might affect the dynamics between you in the workplace. What do you do.
Okay, a couple of things. One, it might already have changed the dynamic, and there’s nothing you can do about it. If somebody is sweet on you, it will change how they behave toward you. That might be nice at first, but what about when they finally say something, and you reject them?
I’m ssuming here that you would reject them. Nothing in your question suggests that you are the slightest bit interested.
Second, I must admit I never wanted to have a relationship with anybody I worked with – I always wanted to keep the two separate. My work suit was my uniform, for that same reason. Work and home. I worked in a very male-dominated profession, so there was never really the opportunity, anyway. Plus, on the flip side, even though my wife and I have very different jobs, there is still common ground, because when you talk about work, what do you talk about? So-and-so is an asshole, right? I bet that happens in every job.
I did tend to socialise with workmates, but never anything romantic, and mostly men in any case.
Sorry I have nothing more to offer.
In many ways I wish I had been able to have a less dramatic experience in paid jobs. I have had a couple of bosses launch themselves at me. I left both jobs before things got worse (I’ve never hesitated to leave a paid job if there was something that made it more than what it was supposed to be). I have seen parts of one of my bosses I should never ever had had to see…but that is a whole different kettle of fish.
I think when I thought of this question I was thinking of one boss I had who was sweet on me and started to come and have tea breaks with me and talking about himself. This led to him confiding more and more. I was already feeling uncomfortable with the situation before he asked me out for dinner. But as he had not touched me or said anything inappropriate I had no idea how to handle it. I tried to pretend I was busy, but he seemed to think more highly of me for working hard. So when he did ask me out for dinner it gave me the opportunity to explain I was not interested (mainly because he was married, if he had been single it may have been different, but there was no way on earth I would consider getting involved with a married man). I decided it was time for me to move on to another job. I gave my notice in. The last day of my job he was away on business. I was supposed to be locking up that night, but he surprised me by walking in just after my other colleagues left. Then followed a declaration from him with his feelings for me. I muttered something completely incoherent in my panic to escape. He put his arm across the doorway. He came out with a strange suggestion with how we could see each other – he wanted to hire me to be his PA and run his work diary. But basically I would have a phone and all his calls would be diverted to me. He said we could meet once a week and I could give him his appointment schedule for the week. he wanted to pay me £50 an hour. (This was 10 years ago so that was a good wage back then.) I said I couldn’t agree. He became emotional. Then suddenly, there was a knock on the door and I saw my friend waving through the window (we had plans that evening.) My boss turned the lights off and seemed to lean forward with his arms outstretched. I dropped onto the floor and did a super quick crawl/scuttle across towards the doorway. I opened the door and gave my friend a big hug – I was majorly relieved she had shown up at that time! Realizing I still had the keys to the building, I had to call into my boss and then threw the keys in his direction.
After I left the job, he continued calling, texting and emailing. I had to bar him. I thought leaving the job made it obvious how I felt, blocking him was all I had left. But before that last night, he had not done anything else that would give me cause to complain about him.
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I bet you’re glad you work for a woman now!
I have a great boss. I have had lots of great bosses, men and women. But a few made my life very stressful, which was not fair. I was only there to earn my bread and butter. I did not want any personal dramas.
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Absolutelt, there’s a line there that you don’t cross, in my book. Although some people do embark upon work relationships. I wonder what they talk about at night?