In all the wrong places…

Image showing a writing book and a quill

I used to groom without a care,
Now the bane of my life is unwanted hair.
It grows in my ears, and in my nose,
It even grows between my toes!

I use my clippers, I try to pluck,
It won’t come off, I think it’s stuck.
Some nail scissors might do the trick,
Except the hair is much too thick.

I wouldn’t mind, I wouldn’t care,
But where it once was, it is not there.
Once ‘pon a time I had a full head,
Now I’m afraid I resemble an egg!

My legs too were once woolly and hairy,
Now, it’s true, they’re bald and scary,
It’s also a shame they’re so pasty and white,
Undressed, I must be an awful sight.

Now and again my eyebrows need attention,
They grow so long, they’re like hair extensions,
I guess you could say they’re nice and plush,
But all I see is a wiry bush.

My pubes, now they continue growing,
Soon my shorts will be overflowing,
But maybe someone with some insight
Could tell me why they’re turning white?

Author: Mister Bump UK

Designed/developed large IT systems, interrupted by a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Now mix development of health-related software with voluntary work and writing. Married, with an estranged daughter.

21 thoughts on “In all the wrong places…”

      1. Ha! Can’t say I see myself balding. I had such thick hair the first three decades of my life, and since the kids a bit less thick, almost a blessing. As far as the other places….that’s what buzzers and tweezers are are for, right?


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