Fandango’s Provocative Question (30 December 2020)

Prompt image for the Fandango's Provocative Question prompt

Today’s Provocative Question is short and sweet. Fandango asks:

What do you fear the most?

I get anxious, really, about two things. My health and my wealth.

Many of you will have seen my posts since christmas. I had a scare with one of my eyes. It seems mostly to be okay but there are a few little giveaways – I can’t read the programme guide on the TV, even with my glasses, which I could do before. But I can use the computer – this is the key not only to my productivity, but to my link with the outside world.

So, I’m scared that my sight goes. Really, shitless. The trouble is, I know exactly what it is – glaucoma caused by diabetes – and there’s not much I can do to stop it, there is no cure, although taking good care of my sugar slows it down. But one day it will get me, if I don’t die of something else first. I had thought I was doing well on that one until last week.

The other thing I worry about is my bank balance. If I continue not to work, and just to receive benefits, then my overall wealth dwindles by about 10% each year. I keep telling myself that of course I will get a job – with the things I am doing now, and a top notch cb vehind me, but what if?????

It’s silly, really. I am one of that last generation who bought an endowment policy when I mortgaged my house. I don’t know what they called them elsewhere, but they must have existed. The mortgage is up in 4 years, and the current projection is that the endowment will only repay 50% of it. But that doesn’t really bother me, because in that time, the value of the house has risen fourfold! So I have plenty of equity. Plus, after 2008, there are plenty of people in my position, and after COVID, there are even more!

I suppose the thing that really worries me here is that this might be the end of my working life. It’s not the money – I’m very frugal these days – it’s more not being useful to anyone any more.

The other thing I wanted to mention was death. Nope. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy life, I’d miss (some) people and our animals, but since the stroke I figure I’m on borrowed time anyway. I fear the pain that is often associated with death, but not really death itself. My stroke had no pain associated with it, so if push came to shove I would take another one of them.

Author: Mister Bump UK

Designed/developed large IT systems, interrupted by a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Now mix development of health-related software with voluntary work and writing. Married, with an estranged daughter.

20 thoughts on “Fandango’s Provocative Question (30 December 2020)”

  1. I haven’t been on here much over Christmas – so missed the worries about your eyesight. Glad to hear that the hiccup doesn’t seem permanent. It reminded me that I was due an eye screening appointment in November. I guess they, too, are all behind due to the virus. 🤗

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My good Mr. Bump. I understand your concerns and feel many of them myself. To suggest you become comfortable and enjoy life is to preach to the choir, so I won’t. To my list of concerns beyond physical and financial health, and my ability to remain technologically active, I add a morbid fear for what I feel is all-pervasive ageism. Not so much prejudice against youth, but the (expletive) end of the stick handed older folks. Older folks who made contracts with governments (here SSA and military, for example) to have those governments renege on obligations, reducing promises to use funding providing entitlements to thousands upon thousands who have not and (for the attitude entitlement engenders) will never contribute to support the “system.” Forced into “retirement” myself, I feel lost and purposeless not racing rats all day. Self-esteem cannot get much lower. There’s a battle for you. Try what I try (no comment on success). Consider yourself valuable and share that value with whomever you are afforded an opportunity to do so. You do that daily now with your blog. I have no doubt your attitude extends to live personal contacts. I tell my younger associates, “Walk tall, it makes your shadow hurry to keep pace.” We, you and I, should ourselves “walk tall.” May your god bless you with good surprises.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Your fears are legit.. I understand where you’re coming from…

    I also fear death because my son is still super young. I am not sure if my husband can rear him well or will he remarry a wicked witch???!! 🧙‍♀️

    I truly wish you well in both the health and wealth aspects… especially with your eyesight… here’s to a better year ahead! 🍻

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You have some legitimate fears, Pete. I can’t imagine losing my eyesight. Even though I’ve been retired for four years, I’m fortunate that my financial situation is reasonably solid. My biggest fear is Alzheimer’s or dementia and that my mind will go before my body does. Who would I be, other than a burden to my family, were that to happen? And, like you, I don’t fear death, as much as a long, painful, debilitating death. Thanks for participating.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Moving right along, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed—whatever that means, I’d better not look into it–but I think everyone fears being incapacitated in some way. Hooked up to machines, etc. I have it written and my family knows, that’s not my life ending. One swift kick to the curb, please.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I completely understand your fears! I think so many of us worry about our health and financial situation and although each case differs, just know you are not alone 🙏 I hope that your situation will improve 💪

    Liked by 1 person

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