Fandango Provocatively asks:
You just won a giant lottery jackpot. What are the first three things you’re going to do with the money you won?
- Pay off any debts, including the mortgage, which still exists despite now being disabled.
- Whack a load of money to the energy company so we don’t have to think twice about putting the heating on. In fact, look at taking ourselves off the grid completely. At least I could then be as clean as possible.
- Maybe buy a small car. It’d be quite nice to have the freedom provided by driving again. If my eyes weren’t up to it, hire a chauffeur. I’d want it to be electric from my clean energy source, and I have no need for a Chieftain Tank.
- Buy a tandem. It’d be indescribable to have the freedom provided by cycling again. I’d definitely need someone to ride out with me. I’d give first refusal to Mrs Bump, she’d ride in front and I could spend the day with my head up her ass. (But I suspect I know the answer.)
- Hire an electrician to fix the bathroom light.
- Hire a plumber to fix the bathroom tap.
- Hire a pest control guy to look at the roof. Every now and again I hear rats up there. We put poison down, the noise goes, but a few months later it returns. Ideally I’d like to get up there and to see where they get in, but first, I can’t get up a ladder now, also my eyes aren’t good enough any more to see whatever tiny hole they use.
- Hire a cleaner. This place has become a shithole since I have been disabled.
- Any money left over, I’d see what I could do with it that was useful. Lots of people require help from charities; maybe I could help? Some people are multi-billionaires while others are using food banks, for fuck’s sake. That isn’t right.
- Hire a tutor to teach me to count.
Oh, and I almost forgot. Mrs Bump wants to retire. Working for the NHS is shit. Every year she is asked to do more and more. Every year she is told her value is less and less. I don’t want to retire. I can’t possibly imagine not doing what I do.