This is my response to this week’s Flashback Track Friday prompt, where we were asked simply:
Tell us about a celebration.
The day I got married was blissful,
And my morning set off like a dream,
But aware of the big day before me,
For some courage, I turned to Jim Beam.
Well, I met my Best Man in the alehouse,
I had nerves before I tied the knot,
In his wisdom, my mate tried to calm me,
And we ordered a couple more shots.
After that, I thought we’d better scarper,
I could not be late for my big day,
But we still were a half hour too early,
So stopped off in the pub on the way.
When we fin’ly arrived at the church steps,
Found my missus was already there,
On my breath she smelled remnants of whiskey,
And she gave me my first deathly stare.
In the church, there were one or two hiccups,
As the liquor made known its effect,
Through her veil I could see she was glaring,
I already felt slightly henpecked.
Well, we somehow got right through the nuptuals,
And emerged from the church man and wife,
Then I realised, as if struck by lightning,
I’d be chained for the rest of my life.
But before all that was the reception,
An excuse for to let my hair down,
But my new missus wasn’t so happy,
I could tell from her “just married” frown.
With my fate sealed, I carried on drinking,
I got drunk as a skunk, I’ll admit,
Our first romp in the midst of the dance floor,
I tripped up and went arse over tit.
As I sat, deaf and dumb, through the speeches,
I could hardly stay ‘wake for the toasts,
But the waiter kept filling my glass up,
And I’d probably drunk more than most.
After speeches, reception got going,
Auntie Mabel got totally wrecked,
Uncle Bernard could tell she was wasted,
But did not have the strength to object.
It was late when the party turned boistrous,
And by then I was not feeling right,
Uncle Ernie spilled wine over Mabel,
And the two families started a fight.
By the time we had stopped all the aggro,
I decided enough was enough,
The reception was pretty much over,
And by then I was feeling plain rough.
Some time later my missus got frisky,
With her “come to bed” eyes, was no doubt,
But the moment we got to the bedroom,
I sat down on the bed and passed out.
Mister Bump 
Haha! A great write and I’ve no doubt it’s happened to plenty on their “special day”.
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It’s funny it started off being autobiographical but I just let it run.
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Gotta be an awful way to start off a marriage! I’m not much of a drinker anyway so the whole concept of getting bombed has no appeal to me.
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There was a pub next door to the registry office. Dutch courage.
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I’d puke 😂
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She might have done, had she come with us. She was five months pregnant.
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Are you serious?? Hopping around like that at 5 months? I hate women who have happy, bubbly pregnancies! 🤢
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We had already decided to be together; that was a done deal. We got married because it would make life easier for the baby. A vacancy came up else it could well have been eight months!
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We got married because my father would have shot Bill’s ding dong off if we didn’t 😂
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If you’re married it made inheritance easier, should anything happen to me. And it made custody easier, should anything happen to her. Otherwise, we were happy just to live together.
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Actually, we did it the old fashioned way. Big wedding (not my choice), honeymoon in Bermuda (my choice). Then the fun began and we had lots of it before settling down, buying a house and then deciding to have kids. We were married 5 years before our first one came along.
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That ending is precious!
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It was good as a first draft. Fun.
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😁👍
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You’re a right ol’ Dickens.
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Ha! This one just kept on going
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