Share Your World (week beginning 20 July 2020)

I’ve been trying to keep myself busy (man’s work) and I didn’t think I was going to have time to answer Melanie’s Share Your World questions this week.

But you guys have really upset me. I’ve seen some really disappointing answers this week, so I thought I’d have to make the effort to redress the balance, even if I just answered one of the questions.

Your penalty for upsetting me? I want you to go outside, take all your clothes off, and then you need to stand there until a squirrel comes along and nibbles on your acorns.

Why am I upset? Well, I saw this question and you all got the answer so, so wrong:

Would You Rather Be Trapped In An Elevator Full Of Men With BO Or Three Soaked Dogs? 

Look, Ladies[1], it is high time you realised – BO is the Essence de la vie (literally – if you set fire to it, it will explode). That mix of stale sweat and testosterone[2] – what could be better than being in an elevator with ten, nay, fifty[3] , other men? You might think that we smell, but we do it all for you. You might think that our jobs keep us out unreasonable hours – but it is all for you. Our breath might smell of booze when we finally get home, but it is all for you, to make ourselves more interesting for you.

We go hunting, trap bears in nets, we shoot fish, all for you. We boldly go, where no man has gone before, all for you.

Give me some men, any day of the week. The sweatier, the drippier, the better.

Let’s throw those mutts down the shaft!

[1] I assume you’re ladies, even though your name might be Harold

[2] most definitely not bottled and sold here as Links Deodorant

[3] subject to elevator safe loading limits

Author: Mister Bump UK

Formerly Stroke Survivor UK. Designed/developed IT systems for banks, but had a stroke in 2016, aged 48. Returned to developing from home, plus do some voluntary work. Married, with a grown-up, left-home daughter.

7 thoughts on “Share Your World (week beginning 20 July 2020)”

  1. I am female, even though the ‘lady’ appellation might come under scrutiny… ❓ You can stop with the sweaty output, although I know that not sweating (a real medical condition) is a horrible trial. We’re not in the caves any more, so no chest beating, conking unsuspecting females on the head with clubs and dragging them around by their hair, and of course sending out signals (via sweat and testosterone – is that the secret ingredient??) that you’re available for boinkage of the frolicking kind are all unnecessary. We’ve got possibly twelve billion forms of communication at our fingertips now. Text us, drop us an email, or come actually talk to us (masked up and six feet away of course). You might be surprised at how many of us, once encouraged, will follow you home. 😉 snicker 😆

    Thanks so much for a very unexpected and hilarious answer to Share Your World and the unbalanced nature of things. You still haven’t caught up with the dogs though…. and my chihuahua (may she rest in peace) would have bitten you sharply if you tried tossing her anywhere…

    Like

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