The Caramel Crunch (25 April 2020)

Over at Caramel (Learner at Love), CARAMEL has started a new prompt. I’d like to see her prompt do well, and I had some time today to write a post, so here we go…

The prompts are called the Caramel Crunch and so far are centered around a moral question. For your convenience I shall repeat her question.

You have a close friend who you are very fond of who seems to be neglecting their own personal care. When you are with them you notice their dress and grooming is becoming increasingly unkempt and the odour they emit indicates that either they have a medical issue that needs attention or that they are not regular with cleansing their body. What do you do.

That can be quite a difficult one. Maybe try and broach the subject, but with tact?

I had that once with my daughter, when she came here to stay. Your clothes are smelly, I said (OK, not very tactful 😆). It might well have been her shoes, because she tends to wear them without socks and they stink. She duly responded that she thought it was inappropriate for me to say that to her. It probably was. But I said, did she want to hear it from me, or from one of her friends? It pretty much doesn’t matter what I think of her, but it will definitely matter what her friends think.

And that’s the crux of it. I think it is probably a good idea to say something, because you want the best for your friend and it is probably better if it is picked up by you, rather than by somebody else. But, let’s face it, it is not good news so they’re not going to like it. That’s where your tact comes in.

If you mention it, and they confide in you that there is a good reason, then you should offer to help, if you can.

If you mention it, and they stonewall you, what can you do? You can lead a horse to water… You cannot, ultimately, be responsible for somebody else.


  1. I would tell them too because there is no need to let it go on and that they hear it from somebody else. I think listening why things are as they are can be a good thing too because there can be a variety of reasons. Don’t assume immediately that they are ‘lazy’ or ‘don’t care’. Offering help is what a good friend would do or think together about some strategies that can help to solve the problem.
    For me I know that because of mental health taking a shower or doing laundry can be too much sometimes or a really difficult task. But when around people I try to look decent because it’s also a form of respect towards them and myself. When not around people I can enjoy a greasy hair day and this self-isolation is very handy for that 🙂

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    • Certainly at the moment, I can sit here in my dressing gown for gours, but normally there comes a point where I just feel “it is time” to go bath or shower. But no real imperative to do so. I can imagine that without that imperative, it might just slip. I have a weird situation now where I consider myself dressed, but my wife says I am wearing pyjamas. But I guess that is just me being out of a formal environment for so long.

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      • My clothing style has changed too, I live in comfy clothing all the time, except once a week when we go out for groceries. I can understand the ‘misconception’ between ‘fully dressed’ and ‘wearing pyjamas. For me anything that I don’t sleep in isn’t a pyjama 🙂 The imperative to take a shower was gone for a long time. Now I’ve discovered the advantages of taking a bath as I have one to my disposal. Knowing that it’s good for me to unwind and to take care of me for me, helps a lot. But it all started after the meds were adjusted.

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