In response to Fandango’s Who Won the Week post, I have been looking at my own newsfeeds.
I mentioned in passing that I was having trouble finding these stories at the moment, and then, lo and behold, I came across a story early on in the week that straight away, I knew I wanted to talk about. This one is mega-close to my heart, I shall explain why at the end.
Two women went to the police. One of them claimed to have been raped, the other sexually assaulted, in the same incident with the same guy. I haven’t a clue of the details beyond that, but they’re not relevant to my post.
The police, however, did investigate the allegations, so I’m happy that they know what happened. Well, as much as any third-party can know.
And, at this point, I’m thinking, try the guy, if he’s found guilty, hang, draw and quarter him for all I care.
But the police drop the case. They’ll do that, here. They play the odds, and if they think that there’s a reasonable chance that they’ll lose, they won’t even attempt the case. I guess that is reasonable because trials are expensive to stage. but at the same time… convictions for rape in the UK are at an all-time low, a statistic which is, at best, very suspicious.
Anyway, back to my story. The guy has all charges against him dropped. As far as the law is concerned, he is a model citizen.
These women then take to social media, repeating their allegations and naming and shaming the man in question.
Bear in mind, at this point, the guy has not been found guilty of any crime. Fully aware of the damage caused by being labelled a rapist, he sues.
And he wins.
In what I think was a very reasonable outcome, the women can repeat their allegations as much as they want, but they are not allowed to asociate the man with them.
My link today contains a video in which the two women are interviewed by a journalist. They are clearly emotional and sound very plausible, but… until the case goes to a trial, when everything relevant is teased out, who is to say? If we take their story at face value, this guy loses his liberty. I’d like to think we performed some due-diligence first.
I must admit, I have a vested interest here. I was once accused of child abuse by my daughter, who was aged fifteen. The allegation was unfounded, I was never even interviewed by police, let alone charged or convicted. But this is the reason my daughter and I are estranged now. She dismisses it as “I didn’t want to live there any more”, I went on to have a stroke six months later. That’s quite a high price to pay, don’t you think? She might argue that her actions didn’t cause anything, but would they have helped?
So, my winner this week is this chap, who shall quite rightly remain anonymous. I would have done the same.
Mister Bump 
A very powerful post! I served 30 years in the police, so I can see both sides of the argument. We were always taught that sexual offences are difficult to prove, and even harder to disprove. How very true!
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Something like rape must be near impossible to prove (i.e. convince a jury) dissent, even with the CPS on your side. I can kinda understand why conviction rates are so low, but beyond marking it as suspicious, I don’t really know what we can do.
I blurred police/CPS for the purposes of the post because I wanted to make it easier for foreign readers.
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Sure, I understand that. It is a very emotive subject. When we lived in France dozens of dignitaries in a small French town were accused of child abuse, They were villified for years. It transpired that the accusations were completely false. Too late by then though. People always whisper that there is no smoke without fire even when it’s just damned smoke!
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And of course we had that Leon Brittain story here… It’s a difficult one though because I’m sure people must have given Jimmy Saville the benefit of thedouvt.
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There are so many examples and each one is someone’s personal tragedy.
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That’s so tough. Forensics can prove some things, but there is a vast field of events that may or may not have happened in the past and who is to decide where the truth lies? Young teenagers/children/school children are not all sweet and innocent; some are very well aware of what havoc they can wreak if they make an accusation against a parent or teacher.
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I think forensics must narrow the field somewhat – there must be very little doubt what happened but one person would presumably argue that the other consented to it.
In my case there was obviously no evidence, just her word, but because of some of the high-profile cases that slipped under the radar, they take it mega-seriously.and we (me and wife) had the threat of charges hanging over us for months. In the end, daughter pretty much resolved the case for us when she accused her foster carer of abuse, too. But we were never formally told that we were not under investigation. I breathed a sigh of relief when daughter hit 18 and I was legally nothing to do with her.
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Tough one indeed. Over here we have Woody Allen, who is starting to be disbelieved by many. In the past, Mia Farrow appeared merely the scorned woman, after Woody married her stepdaughter. That’s icky but not illegal. She was never his stepdaughter and they didn’t live together. But the concept plus age difference, eesh. Anyway, the new evidence against him molesting the younger girl seems believable. I do wonder about the way we “try” cases in social media tho…
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That Woody Allen sounds very icky indeed – we’re getting none of this story although we’re still quite home-dominated because of covid.
I think people need to be aware that they are posting potentially libellous material, if they can’t back up what they’re saying with some proof, but I can only see that happening the hard way.
I wonder if there will ever come a time when people are afraid to go near social media for fear of something like that? I think that’s where the smart money already went!
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Words have more power than we realize until someone splashes us with their paint. Labels and stereotypes that enter people’s minds and cannot be erased. Thanks for sharing this piece. I know there’s no way to go back, glue that plate back together, put in the cupboard, but I’d like to think forgiveness is possible. Maybe an understanding of mental health issues invoked? A healing of sorts that just feels good for all. ♥️💜
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I know in my case I haven’t been able to put it behind me yet. Maybe over time?
In that triangle I suspect one of them at least will feel they have been wronged but maybe time will lessen that, too.
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I can’t even imagine trying to forgive some of that sort of wrong doing, but I think if you consider you’re forgiving her is actually for your benefit it changes things.
You can start to let go and just feel free from it all. It’s like you acknowledge you were wronged, but that you’re not going to let it eat away at you.
I’ve had to do that in a different circumstance. Maybe I’ll be brave enough to share in the future.
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I hear what you’re saying and I certainly bear her no ill-will, but I’m happy that there is some distance between us. I’d be happy just to go our separate ways, but as it is I have to be aware that my wife still has a relationship with her, of sorts, so I have no right to get in between them. But, you know, a parent-child relationship is always mre one way than the other – maybe when she has children of her own she will empathise a little.
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I’m sure she feels awful even if she can’t express it in her 20 something mush brain 😂. They say daughters always break their father’s hearts. I know I’ve done my damage. There were periods we weren’t close, just cordial, terse.But, we’ve found a peace, and I’m grateful for it. Grateful we found a common ground.
You’re headed there, I can tell in how easily you address it.
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Well, we at least speak to each other so I suppose that’s a start. Actually it was quite cathartic to write that other post, because up until then these thougts were just bouncing around in my head. I hadn’t even shared a lot of it with Mrs Bump because I was never quite sure how much we were on the same side.
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Maybe schedule a conversation. Give her a few days to think about it and say you want to talk about it on Thursday, let’s say. That way you’re not catching her off guard. You might be surprised that you’re on the same side, but that she just won’t even conceive of doing or saying anything that would push your daughter away. Once the conversation has happened, it’s bound to feel good, right?
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I’m not sure she is there yet. She still does and says quite childish things sometimes. But yes, I need to keep it under review.
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Whoa. Never knew. But them I seldom look beyond the “public” personae accounta there are a lot of goofy people out there making nice on WP. Well sir, I feel no man should assault a woman, unless she is about to put a knife through his gut. And I know, the “gentle” gender can be anything but. If you’ve read any of my posts, understanding is not a quantum leap. Then it’s not assault, but prudent self-defense. And a lot/i> of women out there are psycho. Men too, sure, but I can thump a man topside his &^%&^ skull and not be considered an animal – criminal yes, but not an animal. With the um, ah, ladies, it’s an entirely different game. I’m shopping for a cape and leotards. Short of finding something appropriate on EBay, not much chance I’ll be in the streets righting wrongs.
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