Today’s Provocative Question, Fandango asks:
How’s your sex life?
Oh, wow, a nice simple one today. The question at any rate. But I see he’s added the constraint that we can’t say things like “fine” or “non-existent”, either of which I might have been tempted to use.
So, let’s put some thought in.
Three things happened to me, in the space of a couple of years. First, my diabetes started to have noticeable effects. I’m particularly referring to serious stuff like my eyes, but it also affected sex.
Second, we had all the grief with my daughter – many readers will never have heard of my daughter, I minimise her in the blog, but I have posted about her in the past. Funnily enough my “Who Won The Week” planned for Sunday mentions her, too. Yes, I’m just *that* organised, to have a winner planned several days in advance!
Third, there was the stroke.
Now, I wasn’t keeping notes about what happened when, but these three events combined left me (i) unable and (ii) uninterested.
I’d describe myself as asexual. I’m cool with that, and Mrs Bump says she is cool with that too. I think she is secretly relieved that all the groping has stopped. (Most of it, anyway. But she’s quicker than me now, so I have to be stealthy!)
It’s good just to chat pleasantly to people these days. And if you’re nice to people, most of them tend to be nice back. That’s enough now.
Mister Bump 
I’m very sorry to hear there’s been grief related to your daughter. That most be the deepest kind of ravine. Can’t say I’ll be brave enough to tackle this question on my blog, (as I run in the other direction) but kudos for sharing.
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https://mrbump.uk/2019/10/03/parenting/ Hope you’re feling brave that is a heavy read!
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This is worse than I could have imagined. I tried commenting on your article but it wasn’t letting me. I’m heartbroken for you. I know I’ve caused my parents grief (I plan to blog on this when I’m feeling brave) but this seems like the biggest of life’s trials, to have no way of helping your own child.
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well, you know, it is what it is. I can speak of it matter-of-factly but it made me see lots of things in a different light. Ironically it was me who wanted cxhildren and Mrs B was meh. Now I’d quite happily not have bothered with the whole experience. I suspect that’s impossible for you to comprehend. Once, it would have been for me too.
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There are moments when I see where my life could have forked differently. For me, I thought children were not going to happen, as I had both of mine after 33. They are the pitter-patter of my heart, but I know they could easily break it.
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My experience with Mrs B (and her sisters) is that women get a bit weird on the subject of children.
My SIL had 2, post-30, too, but she was clear that she always wanted children. She split with a seemingly nice guy because he didn’t – he already had grown children from a previous relationship.. Then she got together with somebody who was basically a sperm donor, and was with him, like 2 minutes. Oh, yes, double-weird.
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Oh, the thing I meant to say about the blog post btw is that it was quite cathartic. I mean, I had to be ready to let the details out, but writing them down allowed me to cajole all these disparate thoughts into a vaguely coherent form of words. I hadn’t even discussed it properly with my wife before then.
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And fair play for talking about your sex life. It is a fact that the thing which is our raison d’etre when we are younger takes less importance as we grow older.
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We learn how dangerous it is?
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😂 True!
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So sorry to read about your daughter. I can see why you dislike when i call mine perfect (they aren’t, of course, but luckily they bring me joy most of the time). That’s really tough. I can’t even imagine the constant stress going on for years. It’s wonderful you and your wife have a strong enough relationship to carry you through these times 💖
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Not dislike – I was only joking then. But… we should compare notes one day 🤣
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Was okay until I enlisted medical help for BP. Not enlisted, rather got tired of folk harping at me, as if living to 100 was something reasonable. On a downhill slide ever since, and not only libido. Breathing issues, listlessness, sleep irregularities, and were it not for my temper, probably be in some sort of depressed state. “Oh,” they say, “take this for that, and that for this.” How about I just off the BP meds? I ask. They say, “Oh no! Take this and this and this and this.” How about I tell them where they should put their meds, and cash-in with a smile on my face? Good luck to you sir, adjusted and all, as you are.
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There is an interesting debate to be had on duration of life versus quality of life.
Actually, it isn’t interesting, it is a no-brainer. But I suspect we would be on a different side of it to the medicoes. I know so many people who are surviving but with some awful medical conditions.
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