Mister Bump UK

Fandango’s Provocative Question (2 September 2020)

Wednesday. Fandango’s Provocative Question once again. A long one this week, but ultimately rewarding. Fandango asks:

Have you ever had to make what turned out to be a life changing decision? If so, do you ever wish that you could go back in time and make a different decision? What decision was that and how do you think your life would have changed if you’d made a different one?

With hindsight, there were a few life-changing decisions. I guess we all have them. I’ll pick out a couple:

I remember the time I spent working in the USA. I was sitting on a job offer, with a visa in my hand, and ultimately decided to return to the UK. That was certainly a life-changing decision. With hindsight, I think the company thought “this guy will do anything to work in the US” (and some other employees certainly thought that), so they made what was a pretty crappy offer. I always had my eye on the level of employment I would go for in the UK (which I went on to achieve), so I thought of this crappy offer as, well, a crappy offer.

Within that time in the US, there would have been other life-changing decisions.

When I first went over, I was based in some offices in the ‘burbs, outside Washington, DC. Frankly, the experience left me with no desire ever to go back. I think it was the ‘burbs rather than DC. I hated having to get into a car just to go out anywhere. Even the roadways didn’t have any sidewalk.

But go back I did, to Tampa, Fl. We were deep in talks with Chase Manhattan, who had a big campus there. I went over for a few weeks of workshops, decided I liked the place, so we set the wheels in motion.

Last of all, Chase changed the goalposts and said they wanted us in Manhattan. As it happened, I loved NYC. I would have been more than happy to work there instead of Fl, but NYC was mega-expensive. The offer which was acceptable in Fl was a pittance in NYC.

The point is, three totally different places, any of which I might have ended up if I had gone over. Any of which might be considered “life changing”, compared to any other.

So, one decision I got right.

Then there was meeting my wife. If anything, I remember that largely because the big decisions like marriage and children were so easy. Remember, I wouldn’t have met her at all if I’d stayed in the USA. But I did have a wobble right at the very start, when we first met. Did I want to commit to this fish, or did I want to go looking for all the others in the sea? (I’m sure I’ll be in trouble for comparing her to a fish!) But seriously, whenever I met a girlfriend, there were always other people – do I want to be with her or should I keep looking just in case something happens?

I reckon I got that one right.

I suppose I could look at my job, too. Although technically I worked for myself, I had clients. I was my own boss, but not really my own boss. One client, I knew for 10 years. When you imagine, you normally have a client for 3 or 6 months, 10 years is a long time. During that time, they asked me three times if I would join their team permanently. The last time, they made it known… by the way, we’re also planning on getting rid of all contractors. I figured I could find other clients, which was indeed the case, when it happened.

But after that, I wasn’t aware that there would have been this blip with my health. I never knew I’d have a stroke. I might be earning a decent salary still, or maybe living on their pension, rather than trying to eke out a living on my own.

Was that the right call? Well, sure, if we’re talking about keeping my sanity. One thing with this client was that they were so disorganised, it would have driven me crazy. But maybe financially, they would have been the right call?

I don’t know. I don’t really think we can go through life with regrets, but maybe just a few teeny ones?

36 comments

  1. I guess many people, at a certain point in life, decide to choose to go back home. It happened with me after 5 beautiful years in Switzerland; I wanted to come back to Italy, and I did. I believe it was a good choice. My family and close friends are all here.
    Have a nice day 🙂

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    • I enjoyed Switzerland, too. Geneva especially, because it was this tiny, affluent enclave of France. But in IT, I was pretty much consigned to the Anglo-Saxon world. That was a shame in some ways but I would never have been able to work at the same level.

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      • True, there are lot of expats there. I lived in Chardonne (a tiny town above Vevey)… for sue very different from Milan!

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        • I recognised the name “Vevey” but had to look it up to see for sure. I have certainly driven around there, Montreux is very civilised, isn’t it. And we once caught the ferry from Evian over to Lausanne. I can imagine, there must be a lot more happening in Milan.

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          • For sure :-). But they are so different that it’s quite difficult to compare. Sometimes, going to work it happened that I would have a cow sitting in the middle of the road! Yes, Vevey is on the way to Montreux, another beatiful location in Switzerland.

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  2. To quote Robbie Williams,
    “No regrets they don’t work
    No regrets they only hurt
    Sing me a love song
    Drop me a line
    Suppose it’s just a point of view
    But they tell me I’m doing fine”

    … You are right..we can’t go through life with regrets… I think the experiences you’ve had in the US may not be so good at that time, but looking at it now, those are rich experiences. Not everyone can say they’ve had crappy offers like that 😀

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  5. I regret not admitting to myself that I was ill. I waited way to long struggling and now the road back to a more normal me is very long.
    All the other ‘decisions’ that I’ve made I’m fine with, you win some, you lose some.

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    • But how do we know we’re ill, when we’re stuck in the middle of it? I think we ony realise after we’ve taken a step back. But in general I think you’re right – you make a decision which seems the best one at the time, and make the best of it.

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        • The trick will be turning this whole experience into something positive. I mean, to a large extent you’ve already done that – you’ve probably written the equivalent of a book just in your posts, and look how popular they are.

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          • I think the shear volume of my writing would be the volume of a book.
            Thank you, I feel that I’m turning the ‘experience’ into somewhat of a positive too. But the real gem lies in myself, I’ve learned so much and this is still ongoing.
            As far the popularity, I guess I don’t see it like that because I have the tendency to compare my blog to ‘bigger’ bloggers. And as we all know, comparison is the thief of joy!

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            • I think it shows that your story strikes a chord with people – if they weren’t interested, they wouldn’t bother. And knowing what you know will make you a better psychologist if you ever go back to that.

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              • We’ll see what the future brings. I have a appointment to start counseling (?) to find a job. It’s something compulsory to keep your benefits. I don’t have mega expectation but if there is something to say about it, I’ll make a post.

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