The Last Supper

My mother was quite overweight,
She just piled too much food on her plate,
Then while drinking a coke,
She proceeded to choke,
Now she’s lying in morgue, on a slate.

There’s some more of this family nonsense here:

My Cup Runneth Over

My neice was a woman called Anne,
She decided to poison her man,
But she drank the wrong cup,
It all went tits up,
As she thoroughly muddled her plan.

There’s some more of this family nonsense here:

The Path of Least Resistance

My nephew went on drinking spree,
In the middle of field, had a pee,
Struck by lightning bolt,
And caught ten thousand volts.
Lit him up like a huge christmas tree.

There’s some more of this family nonsense here:

Kipper Killer

Our granny was randy old sod,
Which hastened her meeting with God,
While bedding her lover,
His partner discovered,
And beat granny to death with a cod!

Okay, it might have been a rod, but I thought it more amusing that she was dealt her mortal blow by a fish!

There’s some more of this nonsense here:

Choo Chooooooooo

My grandpa was driver of train,
Who drove right through a big hurricane,
In a sky of pitch black,
Train was lifted off track,
And we never saw grandpa again.

There’s some more of this nonsense here:

Lucky Escape

While wedding a man from Argyll,
My sister tripped up in the aisle,
She fell onto her head,
And landed, stone dead,
But we all thought she went out in style.

There’s some more of this nonsense here:

Holy Mackerel

My brother, now there is a tale,
Went fishing on rather large scale,
Got caught in a storm,
His boat wouldn’t conform,
And then he got ate by a whale.

There’s some more family nonsense here:

Double Whammy

My family’s not having much luck,
My auntie got hit by a truck,
Took ten men to render,
And peel from the fender,
You might say she had come unstuck.

you might want to read this in conjunction with my “uncle” poem, what I wrote a few hours ago.

And, before anybody comments, I realise that people do get hit by trucks, and that it is tragic. All deaths are tragic. They are also unavoidable, so how else can we look at death, except with a strong dose of humour?


There’s some more family nonsense here:

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