Otter

Original:

The Friday Groan

At Geometry Camp
I got three square meals per day.

Making you groan… any day of the week!

Sit!

Jokey clipart image of a dog with a ball.

inspired by Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) of 31 December 2021, brilliant.

My best friend had a lurcher named Soot,
Such a good team, they entered at Crufts,
While the handler was brilliant,
The dog wasn’t resilient,
And he pissed on the judge’s right foot.

Prompt image for the Fandango One Word Challenge prompt

Relocation

Writephoto prompt image

For K L Caley’s WritePhoto challenge, where we write about the image below:

“There, there, my darling. Try to get some sleep.”

The child sobbed and made a loud sniff.

“I don’t like it here, mummy”, whispered the frightened girl, as she held her duvet even tighter against her damp surroundings.

“I know, I know, my love. As soon as New Year is behind us, we’ll start to look. I promise.”

Jude’s eyes lifted momentarily to the dark patches of mould on the wallpaper. Glancing around the room, several of the cheap, cream strands of paper had peeled away from the wall completely. How much, she wondered, had this room contributed to what had just happened?

As the child’s eyes closed, en route to a better place, Jude realised just how weary she herself was. Since the 23rd, she hadn’t stopped. That’s when Amy’s asthma had finally become too much, and she was admitted to hospital. Since then, Jude had been forced to eat when she could, to sleep when she could, to build a fresh schedule around her now twice-daily visits to her daughter. At least she’d been warm, thought Jude, and the food, though unappetising, had been regular. And, the nurses had done their best, but… nobody wants to be in hospital at Christmas.

As the child settled into a shallow sleep, Jude was startled by a noise from the kitchen. Bloody rats again! There was no point her trying to catch them – they were way too quick, even for her – but new puppy Jack – Amy’s ever-vigilant new Christmas present – was up like lightning, leaping from the girl’s bed in search of blood. Good, thought Jude, the dog had only been in the house a week and was already starting to do his job. A reminder, nevertheless, that while there were rats at large, she should double-check that the food they’d just brought in was stored securely.

But before she rose, Jude took one last look around the miserable room. I wonder what sort of Christmas the sodding landlord has had?

The Thursday Groan

Humpty Dumpty was naughty at school.
Got eggspelled.

Making you groan… any day of the week!

Come on, there’s a barn door for all you wits out there! (or half of you)

The Diversion

Image showing a writing book and a quill

When the woodpecker woke, he was late,
He persuaded the wood louse, his date,
That when the clock struck fourteen,
She should light his sardine,
Lest his wife, the roe deer, should berate.

To those who like to read things into my limericks – try reading something into that one!

The Christmas Party

A drunken man looking the worse for wear!

inspired by Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) of 30 December 2021, sundry.

I stayed back at hotel, good night’s snooze,
But checked out the next day, much confused,
For the bill, it said “sundries”,
Could have sworn it was Monday,
So next year, maybe not so much booze?

Just thought I’d write something totally silly for a change, on the last day of the year.

Prompt image for the Fandango One Word Challenge prompt

Fandango’s Provocative Question (29 December 2021)

Prompt image for the Fandango's Provocative Question prompt

Fandango Provocatively asks:

Do you plan on making any New Year’s resolutions this year. If so, can you share a few of them with us? If not, why not?

I will be making just one resolution this year: to write with less ambiguity.

In fact, I want to get a head start, so here we go on 29th December. You heard it here first.

Resolutions are dumb.

If you want to improve some aspect of yourself, change it. Change it now. Change it yesterday. Change it a month ago. Don’t wait for some arbitrary rotation of the planet, marked on some arbitrary calendar.

And, hopefully, make it to change the world for the better.

%d bloggers like this: