Mister Bump UK

Needs Attention

Our house is in a bad way,
There’s things I must address,
They’re getting on my wife’s nerves
And causing her distress.

A draft blows through the window,
I’m feeling like a tramp,
The ceiling brims with mould
And the walls are full of damp.

I walk into the bathroom,
Tap greets me with a drip,
I’m feeling like a captain,
Upon a sinking ship.

I quite like that connection,
I’m staying with a boat,
For we sit upon the toilet,
And feel like we’re afloat.

The sealant round the bathtub,
It’s just a tad too small,,
I look at my wallpaper,
It’s falling off the wall.

I exit to the driveway,
I think I’ve seen it all,
But the garden tap is leaky,
Spraying water upon the wall.

I head back into my lounge,
I think I’m past the peak,
A dark patch on the ceiling,
I’ve found another leak.

I slump into the armchair,
My world is in a spin.
My house is underwater,
I think I’ll just give in.

Published by Mister Bump UK

Separated with a grown/flown daughter. In life, I designed IT systems, taking a career break as a bicycle mechanic, until interrupted by a stroke in 2016, aged 48. On my way back into full-time work, I developed health-related apps and performed voluntary work. I enjoy composing limericks and flash fiction in my spare time.

20 comments

  1. Geeze. I fully understand but do hope there’s a good bit of imagination at work here. It does seem a homeowner’s constant battle to stay up on “chores” and fixups. I’m experiencing that now especially after the snowstorm damage and also thinking to sell here which means things must be “just so” for the market. That said, this was a rollicking good work. Well, done, Mr. Bump!

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  2. I agree with SP, a very funny frolic through the domestic problems associated with the everyday upkeep of a home. Have a virtual pint on me, you’ve earned it.

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        • We have a list of, like 12 jobs, for a plumber, and the worst of it is that he will not be able to start any of them until May.
          Seriously, I hate this about being disabled, because most of them I would’ve just got on with myself, but now I am relegated to the sidelines. You must have found this after husband dioed? There must have been various jobs that had always been his responsibility? And all of a sudden, they are yours? I feel quite overwhelmed, seeing this list and not really being able to do anything about it.

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