Month: November 2020

Expectations

for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) of 29 November 2020, putrid.

When looking at the White House,
There isn’t long to go,
Just six more weeks of waiting,
And then you’ll have your Joe.

All the dodgy dealings,
And all those putrid smells,
With guns and immigration,
White supremacy, as well.

We need to give the man time,
Some time to turn the tide,
But we have expectations too
There will be no free ride.

The CO2 emitters
How loud will be their voice?
When climate verson system,
What will be his choice?

I realise he’s restricted,
I’m not quite so naive,
But lest we see some progress,
The world will not believe.

Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #94

For Fandango’s Flash Fiction Challenge #94:

Today’s Elite

“I wonder what would happen if…?”, thought Ant,as he climbed into the dryer. “Hey, Dec”, he called to his partner-in-crime, who was still unloading his washing, wearing the traffic cone they’d just taken from the roadworks outside. “What do you reckon would happen if I got into one of these?” Already known as a pair of pranksters in their few short months at university, the two decided to find out.

Five minutes later, Ant managed to kick the door open, which fortunately shut the dryer down. He managed to clamber out of the dryer, but collapsed into a heap as soon as his leg hit the floor. With a broken arm to accompany his broken leg, Ant now cut a very forlorn figure.

In the meantime, Dec was dialling for an ambulance. They’d better get Ant to hospital, so they could x-ray his head.

Holy Mackerel

My brother, now there is a tale,
Went fishing on rather large scale,
Got caught in a storm,
His boat wouldn’t conform,
And then he got ate by a whale.

There’s some more family nonsense here:

Who Won the Week (29 November 2020)

I always liked Fandango’s Who Won the Week post, and like to join in with some quirky stories from my own newsfeeds. All from our unique vantage points, the idea is to pick something (a person, organisation, anything) which “won” the week.

I scraped around for a story this week, but I’m afraid the best I came up with was a case of shoplifting.

Simon Read, of Cambridgeshire, went into a supermarket, used the self-service checkout, and of his half-dozen items, managed to scan his carrots (cost £4) twice, but his Krispy Kreme donuts (cost £10) not at all.

As far as I can tell, at the checkout, he placed the (sticker) carrot barcode over the donut barcode, and scanned the cheaper barcode. Unfortunately, the area was covered by CCTV, staff were suspicious and the police were called.

That’s it. Somethingh and nothing.

Except… Mr Read also happened to be in his police uniform! And the case went to a disciplinary panel last week. The panel spent two days hearing the case, but in the end decided that PC Read, who had previously attended royal weddings and even helped to provide security for Trump’s visit to London – had failed to give a convincing account of his actions. So they fired the guy, on the spot.

An expensive mistake, no?

Okay, I could make a big thing here about, for a set of rules to mean anything, the people who enforce them also have to abide by them. But, frankly, we’ve all known that already, since childhood.

So, instead, I’ll just call out the supermarket as my winner – because anybody who can sell some carrots for £4 (about $4, or €4) must be onto a sure-fire winner!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cambridgeshire-55089146

Life through the Lens (29 November 2020)

When my eyesight was still good, I was a bit of an amateur photographer. This is one of mine.

image showing a silhouette of a camera

A red deer stag, just at he start of rutting. With hindsight, I was dumb to get so close – he could’ve had me if he’d wanted to, and it would have been my own fault.

The Red is the most majectic of UK deer. We do have pockets in the wild (there are some in the New Forest, not far from me) but they like to keep themselves to themselves. Whilst I’d like to pretend that this guy was wild, this photo was taken at Bushy Park, in west London, so whilst he lived as wild as possible, they probably put food out, and he’d have been used to eejits like me.

Double Whammy

My family’s not having much luck,
My auntie got hit by a truck,
Took ten men to render,
And peel from the fender,
You might say she had come unstuck.

you might want to read this in conjunction with my “uncle” poem, what I wrote a few hours ago.

And, before anybody comments, I realise that people do get hit by trucks, and that it is tragic. All deaths are tragic. They are also unavoidable, so how else can we look at death, except with a strong dose of humour?

There’s some more family nonsense here:

Ouch

for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) of 29 November 2020, succcumb.

My uncle, sad tale, must relate
Home improvements have sealed poor guy’s fate,
He hammered his thumb,
Turned blue, then succumbed,
Now heavenly angels await.

There’s some more family nonsense here:

Any Nibbles Today?

for Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) of 28 November 2020, modicum. A particularly silly one today, because Saturday ends in “y”.

Whilst drunk and decidedly stewed,
The trawlerman stripped himself nude!
Please exhibit a modicum,
You’re harming our cod income,
Behave or you’ll end up fish food!