Mister Bump UK

In all the wrong places…

I used to groom without a care,
Now the bane of my life is unwanted hair.
It grows in my ears, and in my nose,
It even grows between my toes!

I use my clippers, I try to pluck,
It won’t come off, I think it’s stuck.
Some nail scissors might do the trick,
Except the hair is much too thick.

I wouldn’t mind, I wouldn’t care,
But where it once was, it is not there.
Once ‘pon a time I had a full head,
Now I’m afraid I resemble an egg!

My legs too were once woolly and hairy,
Now, it’s true, they’re bald and scary,
It’s also a shame they’re so pasty and white,
Undressed, I must be an awful sight.

Now and again my eyebrows need attention,
They grow so long, they’re like hair extensions,
I guess you could say they’re nice and plush,
But all I see is a wiry bush.

My pubes, now they continue growing,
Soon my shorts will be overflowing,
But maybe someone with some insight
Could tell me why they’re turning white?

Published by Mister Bump UK

Separated with a grown/flown daughter. In life, I designed IT systems, taking a career break as a bicycle mechanic, until interrupted by a stroke in 2016, aged 48. On my way back into full-time work, I developed health-related apps and performed voluntary work. I enjoy composing limericks and flash fiction in my spare time.

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