When I first wrote poetry, I started with limericks. I’m not saying that the nonsense suited the contents of my head, but… I still like going back.

There once was a guy from Hong Kong,
Who pricked his own bum with a prong!
“My goodness, that hurt”
As he lifted his shirt,
And his bottom was red all week long!

One suggestion to make this rhyme was “ping-pong”. I thought table tennis would have taken the poem in an interesting direction, but in the end, elected to leave this to the reader’s imagination!

Another suggestion was “plainsong” but I’m sure whatever he sang would have been far from plain!

And, did you ever have bad service?

We went out to the restaurant for dinner,
But this restaurant wasn’t a winner,
We waited and waited,
In the end we vacated,
But by then I was two sizes thinner.

Lastly, one for the road:

“I’m click bait, baby” she said as she patted her bum,
As she pushed out her boobs, then pulled in her tum,
This aspiring new model was new to the scene,
As she posed for the photos, just like a machine.

No clue how to act when the camera stopped rolling,
Through all of the images, photographer scrolling,
Not sure we got anything that makes the cut,
Now put on your robe, dear, and cover your butt.

Head Up Ass

I had an idea to find out about self-publishing. Total noob. Anybody got any good suggestions to learn more about the process?

I already discovered KDP and Amazon.

How to Shop?

I had this post in my Drafts folder anyhow and was thinking of publishing it today, but it also kinda fits in to today’s (3 September) Fandango’s One Word Challenge (FOWC) prompt of odd, because one of us (most likely me) probably falls into that category.

I was inspired to think about this topic when AngloSwiss posted the other day about completing an online shop. Probably one of the few things to have become bigger and better during the pandemic is online grocery shopping, so I thought I’d share a little disagreement I have with my wife.

She does it – well, I’m not quite sure how she does it – let’s just say voodoo, and stick with how I do it.

I close my eyes. I imagine I’m going into the shop, walking down the first aisle. Toiletries. Do we need anything this week? No? Let’s continue.

Next aisle. Milk and spread. Oh yes, we always need milk. Let’s put 2l in the virtual shopping cart.

Next aisle, cheese. Then yoghurt, and so on.

The point is, I’m sitting there with my eyes closed, adding things into my online, virtual shopping cart in exactly the same order as I would add them to a real shopping cart, if I were walking around the real shop.

Every week, my wife will ask “do we need anything else?”, and, true to form, I’ll say “No”. Not a question mark “no?”, but a firm, definite “no”. Because at that point, I have reached the end of my virtual store. We have been everywhere and there are no more aisles to trawl.

I figure at least this way, I’m not gonna forget anything.

My wife thinks I am crazy, because when she wants to add something from, like, ten aisles ago (which she does frequently, including when we go to the real shop) it really puts me out of my stride.

We’ve evolved to this uneasy truce where one of us adds all the things they want, then the other then adds all the things that they want, including checking for dups.

Come on, which of us is mad?