Two out of Three Ain’t Bad

God visited a woman and told her that she must give up smoking, drinking and sex if she wanted to get into heaven.

The woman said she would try her best.

The next week, God returns to the woman to see how she is doing. “Not bad”, says the woman. “I’ve given up smoking and drinking, but when I was bending over to get some food out of the freezer, my boyfriend could not resist. He pushed my skirt up, pulled my pants down, and made love to me right there and then.”

“Ooooh”, says God. “We don’t like that in heaven”.

“No, they weren’t keen on it in the supermarket, either.”


Hope you’re all having a good weekend.

Quiz Time (7) – Your Last Assignment

One last set of my newsletter questions for you. This set will be published right about now. Things are getting a bit more normal here as lockdown restrictions are lifted, and Age UK are calling a halt to its weekly newsletter, as many of the clients are starting to venture outside a little. Ironically, I’m not, really, not yet, but many of them, 20 years older than me, are!

Many of you did rather well last week, so I made the questions extra-hard this time! See how you do – it’s just for fun, answers below. Primarily British audience, yada, yada. In fact, you Americans will get some of these that Brits might struggle. I hope so, anyway – we’re in trouble otherwise 😆.

Questions

1.

How many nickels in a dollar?

2.

And still on American currency, which president’s image is on a $5 bill? (no peeking 🤣)

3.

To which country does the island of Texel belong?

4.

The River Liffey flows through which capital city?

5.

What does the Scoville Scale measure? (Hint: this question came from a Mexican!)

6.

In what year was Channel 5 TV, the one nobody can pick up, launched in the UK?

7.

Little Tommy Tucker, Sings for his supper, What shall we give him?… So, what did they give him?

8.

Who was Henry VIII’s last wife?

9.

Who sang about the Waterloo Sunset?

10.

How many fingers do The Simpsons cartoon characters have?

Answers

1.

20. A nickel is worth just 5c.

2.

Abraham Lincoln

3.

The Netherlands. It is just off their coast in the North Sea. It is beautiful there.

4.

Dublin

5.

The spiciness of chilli peppers! Thanks, Irene, for the inspiration!

6.

1997

7.

White bread and butter!

8.

Catherine Parr

9.

The Kinks

10.

Four

See? I told you! How did you do?

Wrapping Up (1:8)

Tongues did wag, however. Not least Anna’s best friend Asha, who had noticed that she did not come home that night.

When she finally did get back, at 7:30 the next morning, it was for a quick shower, a quick change of clothes. No time for questions. “I’ll tell you tonight”, was about as much as Asha got.

Truth be told, Anna wasn’t sure. She had ignored all the reasons why it should not happen and gone for it anyway. But maybe that is how you get into any relationship? Knowing when to ignore the warning signs, and proceeding anyway? This was a learning curve for Anna every bit as much as for Paul – she was not exactly experienced, having only ever had one semi-serious relationship before then.

A few miles away, Paul, too was full of guilt. Wouldn’t it have been better to have left things as they were? This girl will be gone in a few weeks, anyway, And, never mind that age difference!

There was an awkwardness, therefore, when they saw each other at work. In fact, Anna had become very busy, trying to tie up loose ends before she left, but Paul took it for rejection. When, by Wednesday, he still hadn’t called, Anna called him.

It was perfectly clear in Paul’s head, but for some reason, the words just wouldn’t come out of his mouth properly. “Fucking hell”, thought Anna, “why don’t men grow up?” She was not normally given to expletives, but…really! Wasn’t he meant to be the mature one? From Paul’s side, he still could not quite believe she was interested, still wasn’t sure it was the right thing anyway. And many’s the girl who has woken up in the morning and thought, “what have I done?” Exasperated, Anna said, “Look, I’m going out for Dim Sum again on Saturday. Do you want to come with me?” This time, they skipped the movie, and ended up back at Anna’s house.

That second time helped a lot with Paul’s anxiety – after all, if the first time had been a mistake, she would hardly have stayed around for more.

The last week was Anna’s busiest. Arrangements had been fixed, she finished at RightWay with a glowing report, had a month’s vacation due, and would start at Maynard Fleischmann in September. On the spur of the moment, it was not possible for Paul to take leave, although he wangled three days off, with a sob story about Jake. Anna and Paul headed up to Cromer, in Norfolk, for a long weekend. They hired a car for the duration, and escaped from the city along the M11.

 Anna’s leaving RightWay had a positive effect, because Paul no longer had to worry about being reserved in her presence. And it had an advantage because when he told Anna about work, she knew who and where he was talking about.

They spent a lot of time together during her vacation, mostly at Paul’s bedsit, and Anna started at Maynard Fleischmann as planned.