My daughter came to stay for Christmas. All went well – we don’t generally get on too badly these days, although a lot of subjects are off-limits. The day she was supposed to go home, she was very emotional, she didn’t want to go. We eventually had to almost kick her out, a day after she was scheduled to go. My wife supports me in this – eventually, daughter drives her crazy, too!
I wouldn’t mind, she left just last Friday and was back here at 9am on Tuesday morning. She had plans to go out for New Year’s with some old schoolfriends. I use the word friends very loosely here – at the time, she repeatedly begged us to move schools, because she didn’t have any friends! We always refused – in fact her school’s pastoral policy was better than most, she got a lot of support there which she might not have received elsewhere.
She was meant to go home again yesterday, but is still here. She has a few problems at the moment (she always has a few problems) – she has a more general issue of getting along with people. She was fired from her last job (her first). She applied for another job, but didn’t tell them she’d been fired. When it came to getting a reference from the old job, they of course mentioned the circumstances under which she left. So the new job have not surprisingly asked her why she didn’t disclose anything to them when she first interviewed.
The trouble is, she is inconsistent. She says one thing to one person, something else to the next, something else altogether the next day. As she was growing up, it was always easy to spot when she was lying to us, because we never heard the same story twice.
She says she is depressed. That certainly seemss to be the case. She doesn’t want to go home. She said yesterday that she felt safe here. Ironically, all the bad things she says about her bedsit, she said them about here (me) a few years ago, when she engineered her way out by accusing me of abuse. I can see all of this, my response is measured as a result. We will never be a father/daughter in in the traditional sense because of what she did, but she doesn’t see that.
We had a good, long chat yesterday, trying to think how best she could present her situation. She doesn’t help herself – she freely talks in terms of bullying, that somebody just didn’t like her. The same words she has used her whole life when she doesn’t get on with people. The same words she used against me. If I were a potential employer, I’m thinking straight away that this is a girl who makes enemies. Straight away, I’m inclined to pass, because she’s too hot to handle. She might well not get this job, but she will hopefully learn how to phrase things, for the next. Or the next. There are, at least, some things she can do – get her story straight, for one.
I said she could stay another night. In fact, she slept last night in her car (her choice), which will hardly do her physical health any good, either. Outside our house. She says she didn’t come in last night because she doesn’t want to burden us, alshough she came in when we got up and is now sleeping soundly on our sofa. She didn’t want to be a burden during the night, but during the day, no problemo 🙂.
It’s a difficult one. We go through life, and we learn to accept that people will make their own choices, which might not necessarily be the same as the ones we’d make. But that also means we have to watch a car crash as it unfolds.